Pappa wants mamma naked
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
Life is so much better after having sex.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
