he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Randomize
