I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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