I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Randomize
