I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
