I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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