i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
I would ride that face into the sunset
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
