someone threw a dead crab at me
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
