youre lurking in front of me
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
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