reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
