So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
Randomize
