He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
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