I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Randomize
