I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
it's like heaven, but drunker
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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