is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
