Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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