It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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