we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
