I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
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