they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize
