Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Randomize
