im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Randomize
