what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
this must be what syphilis tastes like
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
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