Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Randomize
