That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
