I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Never underestimate the power of titties
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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