and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Randomize
