And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
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