he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
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