Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
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