Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
