I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize
