just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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