so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
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