Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
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