My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Your penis caused this!
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
