Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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