Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
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