Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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