He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
Sponge bath it is.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
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