Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
I wish I only lived at night.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Randomize
