The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
