My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Randomize
