Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Randomize
