Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
