It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
