I wish my penis had an off switch
I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
I think I won the penis lottery.
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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