you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Success! We fucked roommates!
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Randomize
