Old men and throwing up are my life now.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Randomize
