Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
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